“[Cats] neither lend themselves to our sport, nor provide us with material benefits, nor flatter us with lavish affection. Without accepting any master, they live in a friendly, independent, equitable peace with man. For this rare talent, which man himself still labors to achieve, we pay them homage.”—Maya Deren
“I can’t live the buttoned-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows…the dizzying highs…the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors. Oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers, who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’”—
“Your doctor is off his nut. I don’t believe in doctors, anyway. There’s a doctor lives right down the street here. Treated a man for yellow jaundice for nine years. Then found out he was a Jap.”—sweet merciful crap, W.C. Fields
“There’s always an adrenalin rush for Toby when she’s handling bees. It could go badly: she might smell wrong one day and find herself the centre of an angry, stinging horde. Sometimes she feels she could wash herself all over in bees, like a bubble bath; but that’s the euphoria of bee handling, like an altitude high or the rapture of the deep. It would be stupid to actually try it.”—“MaddAddam”
Diana Nyad, who in 1979 declined to wrestle Andy Kaufman on Saturday Night Live for 25 thousand dollars, has just swum from Cuba to Florida at age 60. She wrote in the New York Times 10 years ago about men and women competing at sports, mentioning the Andy Kaufman intergender wrestling challenge.
i bet yo mutha were happy to get you outa her body you fouling up the thing yo piece of stink you wouldnt know a fish from a pen you dickhead go back to the goat farm and dont come back without a leash you dumb man
PBS's "Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth with Bill Moyers,” episode 4, “Sacrifice and Bliss”
Remember that wonderful Pygmy legend of the little boy who finds the song of the most beautiful…the bird of the most beautiful song in the forest?
And he brings it home, doesn't he? And he asks his father to bring food for the bird, and the father doesn't want to feed only a bird. And one time, the father kills the bird, and when he killed the bird, he killed his own life, and he died.
That's it. And the legend says, [reading] ‘The man killed the bird, and with the bird he killed the song, and with the song, himself.’
“States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don’t want to get married, it tends to hurt my feelings. I guess what bugs me is that it was put to a vote in the first place. If you don’t want to marry a homosexual, then don’t. But what gives you the right to weigh in on your neighbor’s options? It’s like voting on whether or not redheads should be allowed to celebrate Christmas.”—David Sedaris, “Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls”
“Don’t be so gloomy! After all, it’s not that awful. Remember what the fella said—in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, and murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had five hundred years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.”—Harry Lime
“In 1955 Harry Lev, a hat-maker from Chicago by way of Pinsk, Russia, was under investigation by the United States Senate’s Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations for bribing government procurement officials to obtain a military hat contract. The alleged bribe: half a ton of smoked sturgeon.”—
Mark Russ Federman, “Russ & Daughters: Reflections and Recipes from the House that Herring Built”